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Will Sir Be Taking The Motorbike Today...?

October 14, 2017


I'll see your key and raise you a clicker


I live in a mile square ‘walking city’ where the grocery store is just around the corner, the launderette is literally just over the road and I can smack a tennis ball from the roof of my house in any direction and hit a coffee shop, bar or restaurant. There are multiple 30 minute bus, train, ferry and Uber options if I wanted to go into New York City. No one needs to drive here. It’s one of the reasons I moved to the place.


So naturally I own 2 cars and 2 motorbikes. Oh and 2 bicycles.


I store the two motorbikes, the respectable car and the bicycles in a shared garage about a 1/3rd of a mile from where I live. The other car lives on the street and has the scars to prove it.


A typical motorbike trip for me involves the following:


Getting the keys from the drawer. Bike key, bike luggage box key, garage clicker, car key (will become clear) and house keys. Mustn’t forget the EZPass toll transponder too - dont want to get another one of those unpleasant letters. Once garbed, I am able to leave the house and walk like Robo Cop down to the garage (bike boots make it impossible to bend ankles). Once at the garage, repeated stabs on my crappy budget clicker are needed to get the door open. Then, (assuming I have remembered all the keys - not guaranteed), I pop the car trunk to get my jacket. That done, it’s into the bike luggage case to get my helmet and gloves. Then I start the bike up and get out of Dodge. Same process repeated in reverse for the return. Not too bad really - but a few too many keys for me to juggle as an extra trip back to the house to pick up a forgotten set is an all too familiar occurrence.


It’s the car journey takes the biscuit though.


The initial key gathering exercise is largely the same (EZpass not needed though). The fun starts when I get to the garage. 90% of the time there is a car parked in the street in front of it, so my first task is to find the owner and ask them to move it. Then after mashing my clicker repeatedly, I am confronted with my car, which is great n’all, but there are two motorbikes parked in front of it. The reason for this is that each of the garage’s three occupants has a car’s width of space, so there is no room to park the bikes beside my car. Meaning, each bike has to be moved out of the way to give the car a way out. Assuming the car blocking the garage has been moved by this point, I can then reverse my car out onto the street. I then have to park it, as I have to go back into the garage to move the bikes into the space the car was occupying, to ensure they are not blocking the vehicles belonging to the garages’ other two users. Once this is done, I can close the garage and be on my merry way. The whole process is conducted in reverse when I park the car. This is all very time consuming. Suffice to say, that if your waters just broke and you needed to get to the hospital pronto, I am not the man to call.


I don’t drive the car very much.


If a genie were to offer me a wish, I’d say forget world peace and being able to breathe underwater -  I’d just ask for a house with a garage attached. Imagine being able to walk from your kitchen, through a door, into a warm, clean garage OF YOUR VERY OWN? Nirvana. I’d spend my evenings sat down with a glass of wine looking at my bikes. Might even take my supper in there too.


I used the word ‘car’ 14 times in that short piece. That means about 2.5% of everything I wrote was the word ‘car’. That, is ‘keyword’ gold my friends!


Or at least it would be if this were a car blog






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